so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
