I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
