a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I currently don't understand fingers.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
