I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
