hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
