I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
