Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
