If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Drunk is not a location!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize