conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
