just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
