Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize