I skipped work to stalk him.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
