sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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