just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
