fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize