My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
