that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We named our party play list daddy issues
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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