so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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