Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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