i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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