Nicole vs. Life
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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