i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
