You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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