sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
