I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
