If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
