Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
