i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
