you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
