My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
