Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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