it wasn't lemon gatorade
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
