Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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