I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
