I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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