highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize