So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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