And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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