Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
