I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
