the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
