No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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