yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
