grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
