how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
