I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
