I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize