you have to choose: penises or morals?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
