I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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