Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
