hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
