So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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