you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
