You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
