Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
