Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
