There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
