I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
