I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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