i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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