that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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