I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
