dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
