I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
