apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Panties = found
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
