It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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