:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
