i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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