I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
