We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
