So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
