I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
