So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
