I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize